Ana

Control
Strive for the impossible

Watch me waste away,
mission for perfection

Counting days in calories
wasting precious moments
over porclaine and water

weakness for mental calm,
pain for reassurence

She controls me
She leads me
She gives me peace
within turmoil

Words are too weak

Darkness

Tread softly with darkness
take her cool hand,
let her lead you to truth

Blinded by pain
she will plunge her dagger
into your still bearting heart

Leaving you alive
you sputter blood spattered
words onto paper

Dark poetry was born

Let her peel away your skin
exposing a stone heart
and chiseled bones

Let her claw her way
out from inside
spilling intestines on the floor

Darkness can heal
endure pain, find peace

Fuck

I'm tired of pretending.

I'm tired of wearing a mask. Holding it all inside. I can feel the monster inside, clawing me from the inside out.

Chewing on my heart.

I have to pretend so know one sees the truth. I plaster on a smile. You think I'm happy, confident.

In reality I'm black and cold inside.

I help others so that I don't have to face my own pain. Take on a load, so that my own is hidden within it.

Inside I'm dying.

Now does my poetic views make sense?

I doubt it.

After all....they are only words.

Behind Tears

what do you find behind tears?
a lost, searching soul?
a wandering confused spirit?
a hopeful, deliriant persona?

when it all boils down,
you find blood,
and hate,
and shame

parched lips
thirsty for change
praying to a God
you don't even believe in

when desperation sets course
we'll do anything to stop it.

We bleed.
We lie.
We steal.
We bleed again.

Empty, sick words
spewing out of cocky mouths
offering words that make
twisted wisdom

what do you find behind tears?
nothing.

That Girl

what do they see?
at first it appears she is happy,
confident, full of spunk
loving life

what do they see?
on second glance she appears eccentric
strange, almost curious
living life

what do they see?
on third glance she appears sad
withdrawn, confused
hating life

what do they see?
by last glance she appears mad,
crazy, totally instable
ending life

Smoke

take a puff,inhale deeply
watching my dreams
swirl, and fade away
with the smoke

vacant expression
mirrors lethargy
powerless to occurence
instead i watch

my eyes form tears
attempting normalcy
yet my heart is cold
and emotionless

puff puff
my dreams are gone.

.monster.

I'm fucked up.

I looked for answers.

Inconclusive.

Walking on this fucked up treadmill of life.

What is life? I'm not sure I know anymore.

I'm so afraid of removing this mask. Afraid to expose the monster. Afraid for others to see that monster.

She tells me to cry.

How the fuck am I supposed to do that?

She tells me to open up.

For what? So I can scare the living fuck out of anyone who looks my way.

She's probably right.

I'm just to afraid to face the monster. Because without the monster, nothing more beyond exists.

I AM the monster.

Untitled

curiosity, inexplicable
licking the chapped lips of darkness

melting in the sweltering heat of despair
whilst pondering a haze of induced euphoria

bewilderment at the black and white
coexisting, thriving somehow in one spirit

gagging on fear, and on second thought
purging, indecisive in my security

grey tinged papers signify gratification
false yet standing on firm ground

breathing the recognization,
a standing ovation to a screenplay

what defines reality, i ponder?
because reality cannot define even itself

who rules indefenetily the truth?
when truth is spoken between clenched teeth?

dark ringtones to create a faux identity
or is identity exactly that? A choice?

what is born? what is created?
what determines personality over boundary?

questions. questions for answers.
without questions there would be NO answers

i cannot keep existing in the surreal eviroment
of persistent, clawing curiousity

questions to be asked.
questions to be answered.

say something.